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What I Want Women To Know About Staying Safe On Dating Apps


I recently read a heartbreaking story about a woman who was murdered by a man she met on a dating app, and it made me stop and think about how safe dating apps actually are. While it certainly seems to be the way to meet people nowadays, there are some pretty important steps that should be followed in order to avoid finding yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.

Don't ignore the red flags.

Listen to your gut.  If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.  No one is perfect, and there will undoubtedly be some differences between you and the man you're talking to online, but if you find yourself making excuses for his behavior and chalking it up to him "just being excited" or thinking "maybe he'll be normal in person", think twice about the excuses  you're making for him and whether or not they are actually valid.

If he's pushy on the phone, it's going to be even worse in person.

Everyone is on their best behavior when you first start talking.  It's easy to hide things over the phone.  So if the guy you're talking to seems pushy now, just wait til you meet in person.  Once he physically has you in front of him, it's going to be a lot harder for you to avoid his advances.  Being interested is one thing, but being pushy and making you feel uncomfortable is completely different.

Do not, under any circumstances, tell a person whom you don't know where you live.

We all learned stranger danger when we were younger, but maybe some of us need a refresher course.  In the old days, it was perfectly acceptable for a man to pick you up at your house, but that was when women still lived with their parents til they were married and their daddy was at home cleaning a shotgun waiting for his daughter to return home.  That is not how the world is now, and you should absolutely, under no circumstances, tell a man whom you don't know where you live.  Do not have him pick you up at your house for your first date.

Have your first date in public.

This goes back to the previous piece of advice, but if you are meeting someone for the first time, your first date should always, always be in a public place.  Drive your own vehicle to the place you're meeting so you have a means of escape.  Tell a close friend or family member where you will be, what time you expect to be leaving, and as much information as you know about the person you're meeting as possible.  This may seem like it's extreme, but it's better to be overly cautious than to end up on an episode of Dateline.

If a sexual assault happens, do not feel guilty.  You are the victim.

I don't care how much flirting you did prior to the date- NO means NO.  If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are feeling pressured into doing more than you want to do sexually, find whatever out you can.  If you don't have an out, first of all, let me say I am so, so sorry.  Secondly, I want to say that there are resources out there to help you deal with what happened.

RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline): 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

Don't let this define you or take away your desire for love and happiness.

For every bad guy out there, there are 10 good ones.  Yes, you want to be cautious going forward.  But it doesn't mean that your chance at love and happiness is gone forever.  There are things you can do to protect yourself, and you'll know the warning signs to look out for so you don't find yourself in that situation again.  Dating apps can be a great way to meet a potential mate, but they are also full of men that you do not know, and precautions should always be taken to keep yourself safe.
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