Why It's Okay To Be Selfish After A Divorce

Marriage is all about being a team and putting your partner's needs before your own. For better or worse, you're making a vow to love, honor, and cherish your spouse for life.

Divorce ends all that. You no longer have to put another person first (except for your children), and it leaves you with both a feeling of freedom and uncertainty.

It kind of feels wrong. You've spent your entire marriage planning on being in a partnership for the rest of your life and now you're flying solo.

At first, you might feel a little guilty doing things that you never would have done if you were still married. It feels foreign, and that's normal.

This is your time to do what YOU want to do. You don't, quite frankly, have to answer to anyone. Not everyone is going to like the choices you make, but guess what...it's your life.

You don't owe anyone anything. Until you make a commitment to someone again, you are free to do whatever you want, whenever you want.

Not having someone to answer to can also be a dangerous thing. All of that newfound freedom can put you at risk of making some unwise decisions. Now it's up to you to check yourself.

Unfortunately, not everyone is going to agree with you during this selfish period in your life. You might lose friends and lovers. In fact, you should expect to. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

By putting yourself first, you're going to weed out the people with an agenda. The people who you no longer serve a need for because you refuse to put yourself on the back burner any longer will leave. That's a win, not a loss.

This is the one time in your life when it's okay to be selfish. You've put everyone else first for so long, now it's your turn.

You'll be sad at first when the people who you thought were down for you walk out the door, but after awhile you'll realize that it was actually a blessing.

So work the job you want to work. Date who you want to date. Live where you want to live. This is YOUR life. This is YOUR moment. This is YOUR second chance. Don't let the naysayers take that away from you. Be selfish. It's okay.

Comments

Can People Really Change?

Can people really change? If you had asked me that question a year ago, I would have said absolutely not. That's why I got a divorce- because I thought things would never change. My mindset has completely shifted on this topic recently because of the own changes I've made in my life. I saw that I, myself, could change...so if I can do it, anyone can do it. The trick is, though, you have to want to change. No one can do the changing for you. And once you want it, you have to keep wanting it, because you will constantly have to check yourself to ensure you're not going back to your old ways. It gets easier with time. As you adopt those changes and apply them daily, your new way of doing things starts overtaking the old ways. But there are still going to be times when challenges pop up and you have to stay committed to acting in a way that aligns with the positive changes you've made in your life. It's been drilled into us that people don't change. Who you are is w...

What I Want Women To Know About Staying Safe On Dating Apps

I recently read a heartbreaking story about a woman who was murdered by a man she met on a dating app, and it made me stop and think about how safe dating apps actually are. While it certainly seems to be the way to meet people nowadays, there are some pretty important steps that should be followed in order to avoid finding yourself in a potentially dangerous situation. Don't ignore the red flags. Listen to your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. No one is perfect, and there will undoubtedly be some differences between you and the man you're talking to online, but if you find yourself making excuses for his behavior and chalking it up to him "just being excited" or thinking "maybe he'll be normal in person", think twice about the excuses you're making for him and whether or not they are actually valid. If he's pushy on the phone, it's going to be even worse in person. Everyone is on their best behavior when yo...

Finding "Me Time" When You're a Single Mom

It's no secret that moms have the hardest job on the planet. Caring for the next generation takes every ounce of energy you have, and all that hard work can leave you feeling depleted at the end of the day. Taking time for yourself is incredibly important. You can't pour from an empty cup. But finding time for yourself when you don't have a partner to share the parenting load with can seem nearly impossible. That's what makes "me time" even more crucial for single moms. Without allowing any time for self-care, your physical and mental health can both start to suffer. Declining physical and mental health can lead to problems like depression, anxiety, chronic headaches and other ailments. Eventually these problems will begin taking away time from what matters most- your children. Making time for yourself isn't selfish- it's necessary. If you don't recharge your mind, body, and soul, you'll eventually become so burnt out that you won't ...

The Divorced Mama Bear

Search This Blog